Sometimes it's the little things that hurt the most (week 4- The Body)

I was so hurt by the little things in this episode. I have experienced a lot of death. I am not kidding, my mother never spared me open casket wakes, or depressing violent death funerals.

My family has always all gone together to every funeral of every person we have ever met that has ever died.

As the kid of a kind-hearted nurse, I always went to funerals of people I did not know. And let me tell you: I feel as though everything in this episode that deals with how you react and how you feel about death is spot on.

Little things like:

- Xander yelling at Anya when clearly she didn’t understand

- Willow not having the one shirt she wanted

- Xander saying “we help Buffy”

- the parking ticket

All these things are so real and so heartbreaking, and for me especially I related to one in particular, Willow’s reaction to meeting Buffy at the morgue:

The way all the people within the episode are varying levels of closeness to Joyce lets the viewer be able to relate no matter their relative closeness to death. For me, I felt like Willow in this episode, that is the position I have most been in, close to the person who died, but yet I don’t have the right to be the most upset. When I was 17 and my uncle died I had packed for a family vacation the night before and I found myself feeling exactly like Willow as I looked through the mess of clothes in front of my thinking which ones I should put on when the priest and coroner came over to our house. It seems silly, but it is so real, I found myself wanting to cry and laugh so hard at exactly the same time during this part of the episode. When you lose someone one, but it’s not really “your” lose, you feel so much pressure to not seem selfish, and to be put together, and to do everything right for everyone else. Every funeral I have ever gone to for someone in my family I have cried over clothes, it seems stupid but I’ll admit it.

You want power, you need to control something, and yes, you feel terrible about it. Hopefully you will have someone who loves you like Tara there to understand and to let you react how ever you need to.